


Love & You & I

by TrashCandy



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Body Dysmorphia, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Past Child Abuse, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24266452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashCandy/pseuds/TrashCandy
Summary: Gaige guides Angel on her journey to accepting that love doesn't always come at a price.
Relationships: Angel/Gaige (Borderlands)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	1. Courage

**Author's Note:**

> Reproduced as originally published 24 October 2014 on my FFNet profile, Civilized Lee.

"We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine."

— Eduardo Galeano

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"Who was your first kiss?"

During the three weeks that have passed since that fateful day in the control core, Angel has been recuperating in Sanctuary's rundown hospital. Only through the tireless efforts of Maya's healing powers and Zed's surprising ability to work under pressure did she manage to survive being cut off from the eridium pumps. But since then, it's been thanks to Gaige that she's managed to keep her sanity. Since they saved her, Gaige has barely left Angel's bedside. They've spent the time talking about everything and nothing, from reminiscing about Gaige's parents to talking about Jack and how he was before Pandora and Elpis; from discussing potential upgrades for Deathtrap to their favorite ECHOsims.

"My first kiss?" Gaige glances down at her sneakers and chuckles. Angel raises an eyebrow. This is one of the few questions Gaige has balked at. "Billy Watson," she says, trying to hide a grin. "It was at my first sleepover."

"Aww," Angel coos, folding her arm under her head.

"I'd had a crush on him for the whole school year but I was just too afraid to say anything to him, you know? I didn't even know he'd be there. We were watching _The Bloody Sixth_ , this really _awful_ scary sci-fi movie. We were sitting on either side of my friend Kyleen, and she had a bowl of popcorn in her lap. So whenever he'd go to reach in..." Her face flushes a deep shade of crimson. "I'd reach in and our hands would touch, and I'd pretend like it was an accident. Except I did it, like, four times."

Angel lets out a cross between a giggle and a snort. "Subtle!"

Gaige presses her lips together, but it does little to hide the grin playing across her face. "Yeah, apparently I wasn't fooling anybody! That night, the boys and girls slept in separate rooms, but just before lights out, he knocked on our door, and when I went to answer it he just..." She folds her hands together in her lap, then makes a kissing sound.

Angel props herself up onto her elbow. "That was so sweet. Hey, totally unrelated, but do you know where Zed keeps the insulin?"

Gaige snorts. "Hilarious."

"No, it was cute. Really!"

"Yeah. Anyway, he moved away the next summer. Of course fourteen-year-old me was devastated. I barely left my room all week." She chuckles, the sparkle fading from her eyes, and the smile falling off her face. "It's funny how insignificant that seems now, you know? All those little things we used to worry about... how they just don't seem to matter as much?"

Angel frowns, studying Gaige's tired eyes. "Are you comparing a childhood crush to stopping alien monsters from destroying entire planets?"

"Well..." Gaige shrugs, then nods. "I mean, it's hard not to think about it, you know? Who knows what could've happened if we didn't stop the Warrior? Would Pandora have been enough for Jack? How many people get to stay out there, worrying about first kisses and student loans and wedding plans, because we were here, worrying about what would happen if we couldn't stop a world-destroying monster?"

"So..." Angel lies back and clears her throat. "You're saying, because you have some sort of responsibility to the galaxy, you don't have the right to worry about small stuff like that anymore?"

Gaige groans. "Of _course_ it sounds stupid when you say it like that! I just–" She sighs and shakes her head. "Never mind. Forget I brought it up. Let's talk about something else."

"Something else, hmm?" Angel lets a knowing smile creep over her face. "Well, I _was_ ready to tell you about _my_ first kiss, but if you're not interested..."

Gaige leans forward in her chair, narrowing her curious eyes. "Wait, really? I thought..." She sighs and focuses on the dark circles under Angel's eyes. "I- I just thought you..." She shakes her head. "Never mind. Tell me all about it! Who was it? What were they like?"

Smiling, Angel looks straight into Gaige's eyes. "We were close. I didn't have many friends then, but she was one of those people I just felt like I could tell anything, you know?" Gaige nods, and Angel keeps their eyes locked together. "She was a really caring person. Always finding the silver lining on every cloud. I think that was what I liked the most about her. She always knew just what to say to cheer me up. And she had the most contagious smile.

They smile at each other, and Angel clears her throat. "I just remember being so nervous about it," she whispers, studying the look of rapt attention in Gaige's eyes. "Wondering if she wanted it as much as I did..."

Her green eyes light up, and just when Angel thinks she's caught on, Gaige asks, "What happened to her?"

"This."

She moves her hand to the back of Gaige's neck and pulls her in for a kiss. Gaige lets out a surprised squeal, then eases into their embrace. Angel trails her fingers over Gaige's cheek before slowly pulling apart, a demure smile on her lips. Gaige's jaw hangs open, her eyebrows arched. The look of surprise quickly fades as her lips curl into an open-mouthed grin. "Oh!"

Angel rests her cheek on her palm and smirks. "For somebody who's so smart, you really can be clueless sometimes." She looks down at the small space on the bed beside her, then pats it invitingly.

Gaige kicks off her sneakers and eases onto the bed. They lay their heads down on the pillow, looking into each other's eyes. Gaige rests a gentle hand on Angel's hip. "So?" She flashes a toothy grin. "How was that for a first kiss?"

Smiling, Angel slides her hand over Gaige's arm. "Good enough to make me want a second."


	2. Refuge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reproduced as originally published 30 October 2014 on my FFNet profile, Civilized Lee.

"What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness?"

— John Steinbeck

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Gaige hates these frigid mornings.

She curls up, rubbing her feet together, bunching up the blanket in front of her, trying to block out the early dawn creeping in through the curtains. She doesn't need to open her eyes to know her alarm isn't set to go off for at least another hour. That's an hour of sleep she would love.

Hyperion research outposts to raid, interstellar courses to plot, derelict Atlas facilities to scavenge. Not to mention fixing whatever would inevitably go wrong at Digistruct Peak that day. She thought they ironed out all the wrinkles when they tested it first-hand, but they were only _six_ Vault hunters. Once Tannis started running entire platoons of Crimson Raider recruits through, they quickly discovered their digistruct network's limitations. She's never been one to back down from an engineering challenge, but after dealing with these problems day-in and day-out for months, she's long since felt the effects of burning her candle at both ends.

Mornings like this, it almost seems too much. Every day is another battle, struggling just to tread water. Worrying about Pandora's second Vault was enough pressure, but hundreds scattered over the galaxy? There's so much that still needs to be done before they can even find _one_.

Her shoulders shudder as she draws her knees up to her chest. Add _fix central heating_ to the top of the list of things to be done today. Just twenty more minutes. Even twenty more measly minutes would be enough, at least to let the morning light heat up her bedroom just a bit more. She never thought she would miss the brutal days out there in the desert sun, hot enough to fry a rakk egg on a technical's hood, but at least in the heat, she can feel her fingers.

Resigned to the fact that she isn't getting back to sleep, she's about to make a sluggish attempt at pulling the blanket back when a slender arm slinks around her waist. "It _can't_ be morning already," Angel groans.

Gaige sighs and looks down at the tattooed arm resting on top of her. "Mmhmm."

Angel presses up against her back and holds her tight. "Why does it have to be so _cold_?"

Warm breath tickles the back of her neck, and if she holds still enough, she can feel the rise and fall of Angel's chest through their shirts. She closes her eyes and grins. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Angel says with a curious rise in her voice.

"Give me a reason to want to take on the day... but make me never want to get out of bed?"

Angel lets out a mischievous giggle. "I thought I was clear about us. I'm just using you for your body heat," she teases.

"Mean." Gaige presses her cold feet to Angel's legs, smirking when she draws a squeal from her. "Seriously, though. I have so much I need to do today. So do you, for that matter."

Angel pouts. "Your alarm hasn't even gone off yet."

"I know." She groans and rubs her eyes. "But I don't think I'm getting back to sleep, and if I get started _now_ , then... then..." She frowns, looking down at the swirling markings on Angel's arm turn from azure to a glowing white and fade back again. "...you just turned off my alarm, didn't you? Oh, you devious little..."

Snickering, Angel kisses her on the side of the neck. "I didn't turn it _off_. Just... pushed it back for a bit. Don't get up yet? Take pity on this human icicle."

She hums in thought. What's another hour? Her work would still be waiting for her, after all. It won't be long until she's burned herself out over the day, but even in the cold of her bedroom, she feels relaxed in Angel's warm embrace. "Well... you do make a convincing argument. Tell you what: I'll stay if I can be big spoon."

"We've been over this." Angel taps the tip of Gaige's nose. "You're littler than me. When the smaller person is on the outside, it's 'jetpacking'."

She snorts. "Then I wanna be jetpack."

Angel agrees, and they both roll over. Gaige presses up against Angel's back and drapes her right arm over her. She smells her hair, a mix of spicy firemelon and sweet stactus berries, then nuzzles against the back of her neck. The tension in her shoulders and back melts away. It may be cold outside, but for now, she's so warm, cuddled with Angel in their silent woolen refuge.

Gaige closes her eyes and smiles. Maybe she'll put off fixing that heater.


	3. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reproduced as originally published 1 November 2014 on my FFNet profile, Civilized Lee.

"Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness."

— Alejandro Jodorowsky

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Angel rubs her hands together as she stands atop the Dahl Third Brigade Memorial Dam looking out over the Highlands. Looking out over the grassy hills stretched out below, she can't help but think of how peaceful it would be, if not for the knowledge of how many bandits died here. Why Gaige wanted to meet her _here_ of all places is beyond her.

"Hey there, stranger!" a chipper voice calls out from behind her, right on time. She turns around. Deathtrap pushes a crate ten feet across in every direction, with a red ribbon holding it closed, along the concrete. Gaige makes a grand gesture towards it and sings out a fanfare. "Happy birthday!"

Angel smirks and raises an eyebrow. "My birthday's not for another five months. What did you do?"

"Well, happy early Mercenary Day, then!" Gaige grins and scurries over to her side, with all the enthusiasm of opening a new weapon chest. "And why do you assume I did something bad?" A frown flickers over her face, but she shakes it off. "Whatever, just open it!"

After giving Gaige another suspicious look, Angel channels that mysterious tendril of energy coiled in her stomach and reaches out towards Deathtrap. Her tattoos flare white, and she reaches the robot's right arm out, using his digistruct claws to cut the ribbon. Gaige squeals and claps. "I'll never get tired of you doing that!"

Four wooden panels fall outward and slam into the ground, blowing her hair over her shoulder. Angel raises her eyebrows. "You... got me a buzzard?"

"Surpriiiiise!" Giggling, Gaige leans in and wraps her arms around Angel. "And no, I don't think Brick would let me keep it. I got you a ride! I've been training to fly one of these things for, like, ever." She squeezes her arm gently and leads her over to the aircraft. "C'mon! The start of the dark cycle is the best time for it! The way the– well, you'll see!"

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It's a peculiar feeling, seeing Pandora stretched out below her. From this high up, it's easy to forget about the people below, fighting each other to stay alive, struggling to regain what they lost, or just to hold onto what little they have left. Even Sanctuary is little more than a blip against the sky. In the corner of her eye, she might think it's nothing more than a rakk hovering in the distance. After a few minutes, it disappears beyond the horizon.

The growl of the engine, so loud at first, seems quieter now. The stretch of highlands below them seems like a dream: rivers carving out valleys in the blue Anesidoran Mountains, the snow-capped peaks in the distance reflecting what little remains of the dwindling orange daylight. She has never seen _this_ Pandora before. A planet thriving with life long before people ever discovered it. She didn't imagine there was any stretch of land that hadn't been defiled by the outpouring of eridium, but the misty scent of alpine air lets her forget for a while that she's even on Pandora anymore.

"It's like it's not even real, isn't it?" Angel says, looking over her shoulder at Gaige smiling back at her. "Like a painting of some faraway world. I didn't think this planet had anything beautiful to offer anymore."

Gaige drops her jaw in a show of mock outrage. "Oh, ouch!"

Angel swings a playful fist at her and misses. "You know what I meant!" She turns back to the side of the buzzard, breathless at the winding canyon carved out between the mountains. "Just makes you think, doesn't it? What would this planet look like if nobody ever came here?"

"That's why I wanted to bring you out here." Angel can hear the smile in Gaige's voice. "I mean, sure, opening the Vault kinda uglified most of the planet, but we can still find beauty in it if we want."

She looks down at the curve of the river cutting through the valley. Her tattoos flare, and Gaige's ECHO beeps behind her. "I just updated your map. Can we land there?"

"Uh..." Gaige clears her throat. "Isn't that—"

"Gaige. Please."

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Night has fallen over Pandora, draping the landscape in a blue haze. Angel and Gaige sit side-by-side next to the waterfall at the top of the Bunker.

"I was locked in a room fifty meters deep in this mountain for four years," Angel whispers. "All that time, I never knew how beautiful the view is. It's funny how bright everything looks."

She looks over as she feels the gentle weight of Gaige's head rest on her shoulder. She reaches down and intertwines their fingers, smiling at how naturally they fit together.

"It's an amazing feeling." She looks up at the moon, locked in place in the sky, hiding behind the Helios satellite, orange veins sticking out against its sooty surface. "Isn't it?"

"Yeah." Gaige scoots over, closing whatever distance was between them. "Like the night's all for us, and it's gonna last forever."

"It's more than that. This feels like the first time I've really _seen... any_ thing. And I've got you to thank for it."

Gaige looks down sheepishly. "I wasn't the only one who saved you."

"I know." She puts a hand to Gaige's cheek and looks into her eyes, glimmering with all the immensity of the stars. "Being able to feel the chill of an autumn breeze or hear the gush of the water was a distant dream to me a few months ago. I never thought I could have nights like this again."

Gaige's cheeks flush in the pale moonlight. The beginning of a teardrop glimmers in her eye, and she glances down. "You deserve it."

"I don't think I can tell you how much this means to me. But you deserve it, too. _You_ gave this back to me. You're the reason I wake up in the morning knowing that things never have to be like they used to." She waits until Gaige looks back into her eyes, then smiles. "Gaige, you're my light. My moon. My Elpis."


	4. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reproduced as originally published 7 November 2014 on my FFNet profile, Civilized Lee.

"We must all see scars as beauty. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, _I survived_."

— Chris Cleave

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A smile spreads across Gaige's lips as Angel sits on her lap, putting a slender, tattooed arm around her shoulders. Gaige leans in and kisses her, right hand on the small of her back, steel fingertips moving through her hair. When they brush against one of the metal ports in the side of her head, Angel gasps and pulls away.

"Angel..." Gaige groans, pleading and exhausted. "Please, not this again."

Stepping away from the bed, Angel crosses her arms across her chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Gaige lets out an exasperated sigh. "Yes. You do. How many times are you going to–" She presses her lips together when Angel's shoulders slump. She softens her tone. "I'm sorry. Just... sit down here with me?"

Gaige slides off the bed and sits on the floor behind Angel. She looks up at her and pats the space in front of her, between her legs. Angel looks back at her, then sighs. "Can we not—"

"Please? Just sit with me." Her eyes linger on her black tee that Angel is wearing. "And take off your shirt." Angel tries to protest, but Gaige cuts her off. "Trust me."

Angel lets out an exasperated sigh, then inches her hands to the hem of her shirt. Gaige nods encouragingly, and she quickly pulls it off and tosses it onto the bed, leaving her in a black bra and shorts. She sits down, and Gaige puts her arms around her, pulling until Angel's back is resting against her chest. Angel folds her hands in her lap and looks at her feet. "Now what?" She starts to draw her knees up to her chest.

"Ah ah ah," Gaige says, shaking her head. "Straighten those legs out. I don't want you hiding behind them." She nods at the mirror on the closet door directly in front of them.

Holding her breath in her throat, Angel complies, still looking at her hands folded in her lap. Gaige slides her fingertips underneath her chin and tilts it up, directing her gaze at their reflections.

"Now, I want you to tell me what you see."

Angel tries to turn her head to look back at Gaige, but Gaige guides her back towards the mirror. "I see us," she says dully.

Gaige rolls her eyes. "Us. Great answer."

"What?" Angel says, her tone growing sharp and defensive.

"That's not what I meant. What do you _see_ when you look at us? What do you think about? What do you feel?"

Muttering under her breath, Angel shakes her head. She sighs and stares down the mirror, her eyes immediately going to the three dark, circular marks on her right side, at her waist. "I see the scars from where they used to hook me up to those machines." Her eyes fall on the glint of metal in the side of her head. "I see the interfacing ports they wired into my brain. I see—"

"Stop. Stop, stop, stop right there." Gaige wraps her arms around her and kisses the base of her neck. "This is exactly what I mean. You don't see yourself. You just see scars. Pain. All the awful things you've been through. You're _so_ much more than that."

Angel picks at her cuticles until Gaige takes her by the wrists and forcibly stops her.

"You wanna know what I see when I look at us?" She smiles at their reflections, then plants a soft kiss on Angel's shoulder.

Dipping her chin to her chest, Angel sighs. "What."

She puts her hand on Angel's cheek, guiding her gaze back to the mirror. "I see... the sweet, caring woman who spent every night talking to a nerdy high school dropout so she wouldn't feel so lonely being away from her friends, and her family, and her nice warm bed. I see a person who fought back against the people who tried to control her and keep her brilliant light locked away where nobody could see or feel it. I see a person who has always done the right thing, no matter the cost to her."

Angel chews her bottom lip as Gaige wraps one arm around her, holding her tighter.

"I see _you_ ," Gaige whispers, tracing a fingertip along the markings on Angel's thigh. "Scars and all. I think about all the times you helped me, without expecting anything in return. I don't see the little girl who never had a chance. I see the strong woman she grew into."

Gaige takes Angel's right hand in her own, then kisses it.

"You've always forgiven me for my mistakes," she says, squeezing Angel's hand. "You always see the best in me, even during my lowest points. I wish you would extend that same kindness to yourself. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you, alone for all those years. But sometimes we become who we are, not because of our scars, but in spite of them."

Angel slides her hand over Gaige's forearm. She turns her head to the side and whispers, "And who am I?"

Gaige studies her fluttering lashes, hiding her steel blue eyes. "You're Angel." She rests her chin on Angel's shoulder and runs her hand through her hair, their gazes meeting in the mirror. "After everything life has put you through, you are still Angel."


	5. You & I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reproduced as originally published 25 December 2014 on my FFNet profile, Civilized Lee.

"No one has ever loved but you and I."

— William Butler Yeats, "The Ragged Wood"

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"You wanna see a magic trick?"

Angel gazes down at Gaige and giggles. "You're gonna do that thing with your arm again?" She brushes a stray strand of red hair out of her face; it falls down onto the pillow.

"No, not that." Gaige presses her lips together, her eyes sparkling. "I can make everything else in the world disappear."

Angel studies the hopeful arch of her brow, her teeth sinking into the swell of her bottom lip. "Show me."

Her lips part in a toothy grin, and Gaige starts massaging small circles into Angel's temples. "Now, it only works if you relax. And close your eyes."

Smiling, Angel shuts her eyes, lets her muscles relax, and sinks down against her. The cool steel of her hand sinks into the back of her neck, and Angel gasps, leaning down into her.

Gaige's cheek presses against the metal port in the side of her head. Her lips brush the shell of her ear, and a puff of warm air washes over as she whispers, "I love you."

Angel takes in a sharp breath of the cool night air, inhaling the sweet lavender essence of Gaige's hair. Suddenly she isn't in their bed: not falling, but soaring weightless over all, feeling the entire world stretched out and frozen in time below her. She opens her eyes and gazes upon Gaige's face for the first time, drinking in the rosaceous glow of her cheeks, paralyzed by the sincerity in her eyes.

Her heart stops and her body trembles when delicate fingers trail over her cheek, then brush against her lips. Twenty-two years are gone with three words. This is the first day of her life. And the first person she sees, the first person she knows, is Gaige.

Breathless, Angel grasps for words. "How did you do that?"

"Shh..." Gaige quiets Angel with a kiss. "A magician never reveals her secrets."

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

Angel lifts her head off the pillow and gives Gaige a small squeeze. "I think I figured it out."

Gaige turns her head and glances back at her, an amused smirk on her face. "You're not supposed to _figure out_ a magic trick. You're just supposed to let yourself be amazed by the wonder and the mystery."

She chuckles and nudges Gaige's shoulder. "Indulge me."

Humming, Gaige rolls over and faces her. "Let me hear it, then."

"You know how Jack would say those words to me every time he came down to see me. You know it's what my mother told me while she was watching from the safety of the other side of the glass. I heard it so much from them, I thought the words had lost all meaning."

There's a pained twinge in Gaige's eyes for a brief moment. She nods, cupping Angel's cheek in her hand.

Angel clears her throat, tracing her fingers over the back of Gaige's hand. "For the first time in my life, that doesn't matter to me anymore. Finally being able to say it to you is more liberating than the day you freed me. I love you, too. That's why it feels like the only people who exist are you and I."

Gaige's hand trails down to Angel's chest and lays flat against the teardrop-shaped tattoos over her heart. She inches in for a kiss, then smiles at her. "I don't think that's all, though. If you really want to understand it, think about what it meant to you when I said it. It's simpler than you think."

Angel takes in the sweet scent of her hair as Gaige rests her head against her chest. She allows herself to become lost in the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing, the relaxing warmth of Gaige's touch on her skin. Her gaze wanders to the open window. A cold rush of tingles shoots down the back of her neck when the silvery clouds part to reveal the glowing face of Elpis.

She holds her tighter. All at once, she understands. For all the times her mother and father said those exact words to her, when Gaige told her "I love you," it was the first time Angel believed it.


End file.
